I think I'm integrating something

because I am clearly feeling all my ego energies surfacing and moving to the side. I feel now the "bringing to the core" and the opening to more love. I could clearly sense the love for myself and how I can get to this place. 

I don't want to say that the ego-way of doing things is wrong and that I am switching to something right. Nor do I want to give up my drive for achievement. I just want to put it into a better perspective. I don't want to evaluate myself based on my achievements, or, experiences is a better word. And I don't want to call one experience an achievement and another failure and I can't live anymore by denying myself the experiences that I want and trying to have them the old way. It just doesn't work anymore. At least for me. And I can't have all the experiences that I want the old way. I can't focus on something one and neither can I go into several directions simultaneously, because in the old world they simply do not coexist together. So I have to bring everything to the core and then let the energy bring me all ... my precious :D *insert diabolical laughter here*

And I also have these flu symptoms...better be the spiritual one.

I really really feel that I am releasing my attachments to the outer circumstances, to the definitions of these outer circumstances and to the need to control them with my mind. 

What would I like to do and to have?

- I want to be safe

- I want all my needs to be realized. I don't want to spend my time being busy providing my resources so I can express myself. I choose to be served always and I choose my needs always be fulfilled and all the resources that I will ever require to be available to me.

- I want to have a family of kind spiritted people. I want to allow myself to be in the New Energy with people I love and who also think like me. My friends. I want to enjoy being with my family and I want to enjoy my husband and my children (future).

- I also choose to end the experience of feeling miserable. I choose to consciously know that I am an all powerful creator. Who can also create misery :D

- I also want to channel my Atlantean knowledge. Or any inter dimensional knowledge that I might have and am afraid to express. My mind has no knowledge of even being in Atlantis. But I do feel something scientific, sci-fi and powerful. If there is a knowledge that I have and it can be used, I do choose it to be channeled here. 

- Continuing the previous: I choose to be realized career wise. The best possible way. WITHOUT making sacrifices like not having a family. THAT IS ALSO OVER! I want everything and I want it the best possible way for me. Which kinda puts an end to my victim moods...oh well, everything's gotta end somewhen.

An influx of love energy

happened to me yesterday, after I learned that my current job might last only for another month and not for another 5 months as I was originally told. I did get upset at first, but then I got angry and told myself "I'm gonna make it through! I'm gonna live!". And then I felt SO MUCH LOVE for myself. That I deserve to live. That no matter who I am and what I am and what my life looks like I DESERVE to LIVE and I deserve all the possible love and compassion in the universe. I am connected to this feeling again, as I am writing this entry. I am literally feeling love at the heart center and at the rest of my body.
This feeling that I am loved and that I deserve to live and have everything that I ever need is not trivial. I sensed very clearly how I have always felt that "it is not a big deal" if I will not live. I was not important enough to myself. What mattered was that I have the right life, if I am the right thing. If I am not - I might or even better not to live at all. I do not want to consider this point of view as "wrong", because, after all, I chose to have this experience but this is how I felt: that my story is more important and more valuable than my life. Pluto, you're doing it right! :D But we can take it to the next level, methinks and hopes ♥